Molly had her 18 month check up today. 22.5 pounds! Totally healthy. The doctor said she could give me a referral to the speech therapist. I declined. She got a couple of shots, and is now in the post-vaccine super nap that I admit I look forward to.
Porter went with us, and I have to say I got kind of annoyed. He knew it was just Molly who was getting looked at today, and was happy to go. The doctor walked in the room (she's very nice and not scary), and tried to engage him in conversation. She's a pediatrician, she's good at little kid small talk. Porter just glared at his lap, wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't make eye contact, and finally ended up clinging to me in my chair. She didn't push it, but she did try a couple more times later to talk to him, and he refused.
I know what's going on with him. He's shy (for lack of a better word). He doesn't do great with new people and new places. He needs time to warm up. I get it, because I am the exact same way. But he also needs to learn how to handle life since these things come up every day. It is important to me that he be polite. And he comes across as being quite rude a lot of the time in these situations. I don't feel like I should have to prompt his responses at this age. I think he should be able to respond to simple questions and say thank you and good bye, especially to someone like a doctor, when I am right there.
I'm really at a loss to know how to do this though. I know it's hard for him, but I need him to be polite. I've gotten mad at him in the past, but I know that doesn't do any good. We've had a lot of talks about how other people feel sad when you don't respond to their questions. How it is rude to not say thank you when the post man gives you a sticker. And he is very serious and says he understands. But it doesn't make a difference. I know that if I prepare him for a situation on the way there, like I could have done today, then things go a little better. But then nice old ladies talk to us at the grocery store or we run into a friend at the park, and he just stares at his shoes. And I can't predict everything.
I honestly don't know what to do. Except wait. But I'm tired of telling him what to say or talking for him when he is clearly old enough to do that himself. Any ideas?
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Jessy,
ReplyDeleteHe'll be fine and you're a wonderful mother.
Deb
I know it isn't all that helpful, but I think it is just pretty normal and he'll grow out of it. Really, I can't think of a kid his age that doesn't do that sometimes. Melissa only gets it right occasionally. She usually over does it and acts like a lunatic. But she does the shy thing and tries to climb under me sometimes too. The best is when she scowls at people for having the nerve to talk to her when she's sad, mad, or or whatever. I think the prep when you can and talking to him afte is all you can do. Guess my only idea would be try mixing it up and talk about different things and maybe something will strike a nerve... maybe talk about being grown up, or brave, or like daddy, or people will be more nice to you if you are nice to them. I've pretended to be the Dr and had Melissa practice saying something appropriate and that seems to stick better than just telling her. He'll get there!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above commenters. I would keep setting the expectation and not make excuses when you're in the situation. Just answer the question and allow Porter to agree with you. That seems to work best for us. Aselya used to not want to talk to people and she is now very social and will say hello and interact with just about anybody. Adiana is still needs to warm up to the situation and we just give her the space to do so.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up. You're doing just fine.
Thanks guys. I think maybe the role playing is a good idea. He seems to respond to things like that. Some day he will talk to people, right?
ReplyDeleteJessy- I'm a little late to the game, but my mom is really shy and she said that she did grow out of it.
ReplyDeleteCarson is shy too, which is totally weird to me because I am not at all shy. So I still "make" her talk at time and at times I just let her be.
Sorry, not much help, just another voice of understanding.